My Journey

 *This is long and more than likely has several grammatical errors, please forgive me in advance*

   Based on several monumental events, the month of August has become my favorite month.  It all began in Ft. Worth, Texas on August 29, 1972.  Yep, that was the date my parents life changed for ever.  Another highly important date in the month of August was the 28th in 1999.  That was the date I gave heart to Amanda Jolene Landry for keeps.  As important as those two dates are to me, the next two dates that I will mention have far more impacted my life.

   I had grown up in church.  I tell people that I went from the hospital nursery to the church nursery.  My grandfather was my pastor at that time; as he was for 9 of the first 13 yrs of my life.  I grew up hearing the word of God preached and knowing all the stories of the Bible.  Growing up in church tends to make trusting Christ as savior a little more complex.  "Church Kids" usually believe they are saved because they were told they made some profession of faith as a child; some even as early as 5 years old.  Now I'm not saying that a 5 year old can't repent and put their faith and trust in Christ.  My personal belief is that children that young lack the mental, emotional and spiritual maturity that it takes to make such an important decision.  I remember as a 5 yr old, after a special church service, telling my mom that I didn't want to go to hell.  The next thing I remember was calling my grandparents in Massachusetts and telling them I "got saved".  Subsequently, I was baptized and life went on as normal.  Normal for me was church.

   I remember one time in my life when I was faithful to church.  I was always there.  Camp, youth services, Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, if something was going on at church I was there.  I loved it, it was all I knew.  Then, when I was 13 my grandmother passed.  I had a very special relationship with her.  We lived only 5 blocks away and whenever my grandfather would be away preaching I would go and stay with her.  Being the oldest grandchild has some benefits.  I took it especially hard.  Now I know my grandmother didn't love me anymore that she did the other seven grand kids, but I did spend the most time with her.  At that point in my life things seem to unravel.  It wasn't a year later we had changed churches and soon my parents were getting a divorce.  During that time I had become addicted to pornography.  Mind you this was between my 13th and 14th year of my life.  Junior High and High school were rough years in my life, as most kids would proclaim.

   In 1985 we began to attend Retta Baptist church, in Burleson, Texas.  Mom really wanted us to get involved and like I said I didn't know anything but church, so it was easy for me.  This church was different, there weren't as many restrictions as was at my other church.  I loved youth camp, it was the highlight of my summer.  I would do all kinds of fundraisers and extra work to raise the money to go.  I still have great memories of youth camp that I will share with my kids when they get to that stage of life.

   In the summer of 1989 I was to turn 17 years old and begin my Junior year of High School the next fall.  I was preparing for camp as usual. I don't remember the speakers name or the theme of camp that year, but I remember the reoccurring message that week.  The message that I kept hearing was to those who had played the "church game".  The Holy Spirit was speaking to me and I knew, but I kept telling myself I had been saved as a 5yr old.  I made a commitment to spend more  reading the Bible and praying.  The first test of this would come the Saturday following camp.  That morning I got out of bed determined to do things different.  But the whole time I was reading I kept having this feeling that something wasn't right.  Then I remember the Holy Spirit telling me, as if it were audible, this won't mean anything until your have a relationship with me.  On my knees in my room I repented of my sin and put my faith and trust in Christ. That was August 6, 1989.  I was Baptized on Sunday the following week.

   Now, there was a noticeable difference in my life.  I didn't go to church because it was the normal thing for me to do, I went because I hungered for more of the word, to be taught and trained.  Understand, I still had a sinful nature and I really struggled with pornography.  It's a secret sin, nobody knew my struggle except God.  I would go weeks, sometimes even months without a problem, but it only took one fall to send me on a spiral.  I would struggle with this issue for the beter part of my life.

   In the summer of 1994 we had just lost our youth pastor and the church had brought in a former youth to interim fr the summer.  He was a good friend, and I had already been involved on a volunteer basis.  That Summer I led the worship team for the youth and we had a great summer.  We did some youth revivals and just had a great time that summer.  At camp that year I knew that God was calling me to full time ministry.  Again, I put it off, thinking it was just an emotional decision.  On August 21st, 1994 I surrendered to the will of God in my life and committed myself to full time ministry.

   Mind you, I was still battling pornography.  I went to college and ultimately spent more time playing than studying.  I had an on again off again relationship with academic probation.  After, my 5th semester, returned home unable to maintain my grades, my finances or my relationships.  I felt like a miserable failure.  I was engaged during this time, and that relationship was a failure, mostly because pornography ruled how I treated her.  We eventually parted ways and I began one failed relationship after another.  Allowing the pornographic images in my mind to dictate my path when it came to girls, was becoming to much.

  I finally changed churches and started going to church with my mom and some other family.  This church was an active missions minded church.  Every year they held a missions emphasis month.  It was the March of 1999 that determined the next course of my life.

   Let me go back and say that during my time at college I had held a summer interim youth job and a part time youth pastor position, but when I came home in January of 1997 I decided to let the ministry alone.

   Now, where were we, oh yes,  March of 1999.  I was a corporate trainer for chain restaurant, and was scheduled to be gone the Sunday of the 21st to open a store in Tulsa.  A massive snow storm pushed the trip back a week.  I was off so I was able to attend church. Now, I didn't normally attend Sunday school, but this week I did.  Little did I know I would meet my future wife that morning, but that is exactly what happened.  That is the day I met Amanda Landry.  Her parents were missionaries going to Romania.  We exchanged information that day, and 5 months and a week later we were married.  The day before my 27th birthday.  It was during that five months that God used the Landry family to get me back on track.

   In October of 1999, I started as the full time youth pastor at then, Fundamental Baptist Church in Decatur , Texas.  We were on staff there for two and a half years and during that time our oldest son Logan was born and our second son Hayden was on the way.  In March of 2002 we left that position and was in search of our next place of ministry.  We went almost 7 months looking for a position.  During that time The Landry Family came home from the field after My brother in law was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes.  My father in law took the pastorate at Baptist Tabernacle in Shreveport in July of 2002 and in August I was called as the youth pastor and school administrator.

   Things seemed to be going great. this youth group was growing and the school averted closing and had actually grown.  In the summer of 2003, I again found myself in the grip of pornography.  So much so I was watching online at work.  Yes it had gotten that bad.  The Bible teaches that "everything done in secret will be brought to light".  That's exactly what happened.  This wonderful family I had married into found out my dirty little secret.  Amanda had known about from the beginning, but really didn't know the depth.  This time was different.  She was ready to take drastic measures, she didn't want her boys to have to deal with that.  We were both taking classes at Louisiana Baptist University to get our bachelors degrees, but this night we skipped class to talk.

   We went to a near by park and sat in the car and talked.  She explained to me how serious the situation was and how upset she was.  How I had lost her trust and how I had hurt her severely.  She explained to how I Had committed adultery in my heart.  But what she said next carried the most weight and I will never forget it.  She looked at me and said, "every time you look at those images, you spit in the face of Jesus as he is hanging on the cross".  That put such a graphic mental image in front of me that I just broke down and wept like I had never wept before.  God had shown me my sin in a way I really hadn't ever realized.  That was a defining moment for me.

   Amanda and I made a covenant together.  She won't hold me accountable, she would check and clean my internet history.  She would constantly ask me how I am doing and stay on me.  I went through an online purity program.  Understand something, an addiction to pornography is harder to overcome that an addiction to crack.  This is a daily battle I fight, but I have two accountability partners and I have an internet accountability as well.  This will be a daily fight.  Every day is a battle with sin, for any of us.

   Since then We have been Missionaries to Slovenia and a Worship pastor.   We have come a long way in our journey and are looking forward to the road ahead.

   The key to overcoming sin in your life is to surround yourself with other Christians who will hold you accountable.  Accountable to reading the word and spending time in prayer, to spend time with your family, to become the man or woman God wants you to be.

   The reason for this story is to show that God can use anyone to accomplish his purpose and plan.  I would love to talk with you about your struggles and pray with you.